LIFE IN A FISH BOWL

I knew at the time of signing my contract that teaching in Asia would come along with great responsibility, but what I wasn’t aware of was just how much entertaining I would be doing. Though I wasn’t trying to break into the entertainment business with my career move, it’s often where I find myself, dealing with both the good and bad that comes along with it.

Most of the time, I enjoy my life here. Akita is a beautiful place to live, my job is fulfilling, and I have made wonderful friends. As an American in Japan, walking down the street elicits heads to turn in order to see where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m with, and what move I’ll make next. Those that are tactful manage to just stare out of the corner of their eyes, but it seems the older population are not afraid to stare you down as if you’re something from another planet. And often, I feel like I am. There is no doubt that just being in Japan has increased my “coolness rating”. In fact, there’s even a little joke among the expatriate teachers here… “If you’re a 6 in America, you’re a 9 in Japan.”

My students have proven this little joke true. The majority of my students treat me like a rock star, and everything I do is “interesting” or “cool”. If I wear sunglasses one day while driving to school, all of my kids comment on them and how amazing I must be to have such a pair of shades. I can have days that leave my head feeling ten times heavier from all of the compliments I receive or smiles I am given from others around me. In short, the celebrity treatment is wonderful, and it often adds to my day a feeling of importance in the world. But there is the other side of the spectrum that makes life in the spotlight a bit more difficult.

Not only am I expected to teach, but also I am to be on show for all to see. Students expect your lessons to be outstanding and fun, even when you’re given the most boring of topics to cover. If you have a lesson that is solely based on academic learning, they think there must be something wrong with you, and all of the glamour fades quickly.

Outside of school, making friends can be difficult. If you can manage to get past the shyness that is automatically created when Japanese people encounter foreigners, you still have to worry about whether or not the friendship is genuine. It is common for those that do approach us to be looking for free English lessons. Now please understand that not everyone is like this… it’s just something to look out for.

Besides students and friends, other people just tend to treat you like a zoo animal. I’ve had people stop their grocery carts in the store to just stop and stare at me. You are constantly in a fish bowl, and it always seems like someone’s looking in.

I think the worst part about all of the attention is that you can just never “get away”. After almost a year of living in Japan, at times I can’t help but feel like a celebrity running from the paparazzi. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that I’m no A-list celebrity, and I’m not to the point of attacking a cameraman or shaving my head for the tabloids. However, having constant attention does take its toll. If I go to the store, a teacher at my school may come up to me the next day and say, “Hey, I heard you went to the grocery store yesterday.” This little piece of information is supposed to be a conversation starter, but in reality, it just leaves me feeling awkward and a bit like I have a stalker. I know most people mean well, but imagine if you could never have privacy except in your own home.

Nine times out of ten, I am thrilled to have someone talk to me purely because I am a foreigner. This type of interaction can often lead to future invitations to cultural events or new friendships. But every once in a while, I find the attention a bit overbearing and frustrating. For example, yesterday I was just having a bad day. I was exhausted at school, my students were not cooperative because they had been tired, and the weather was dreary. All in all, it was just “one of those days”. After school, I wanted nothing other than to just relax at the park, enjoying some hanami (cherry tree viewing). As I reached the park to meet another English teacher in my town, I walked into the park to find a festival going on. This would be nice in every other situation except for the fact that the majority of my students from all THREE schools were there. I saw the uniforms and I knew my night of tranquility was at an end. My name was shouted out among the masses and waves were enthusiastically shot at me. I automatically put the smile on my face that teachers always do and said “hello” about 400 times as each student came up to me during my walk through the park.

In the end, I still love my students, but it would have been nice to get away for the evening after such a long day at school. I guess that’s something you just accept when becoming a teacher at three schools that all surround the town you live in. Most of the time I love seeing my kids outside of school because it’s when they show their “true selves”. Even though that night wasn’t the most ideal evening to encounter all of them at once, I must admit that despite my mood that particular evening, they could still make me laugh… And I still felt pretty cool.

WHERE GOING TO DINNER LEADS TO MARRIAGE

Throughout my time in Japan, I have found myself surrounded by people who are talented in many aspects of Japanese culture. Naturally, I want to learn as much as I can while I am in this foreign country, so it is my first instinct to ask them to share their talents with me. In most parts of the world, this is a perfectly natural expression of interest, but here in Japan, sometimes simple invitations will lead you to a heap load of trouble.

You see, Japan has very clear gender roles, and it is very rare that these roles intermingle. As a foreigner, I find that having the desire to learn Japanese cooking is an anomaly because men just don’t cook here. (Of course, you’ll find your chosen few, but the woman is to come home from work and take care of all domestic responsibilities.) As a quick reminder to my readers, I am in the backwoods of Japan, so this may be changing in other parts, but I do know that this lifestyle is still widely accepted in this country where the male is the dominant gender. (To all of my feminist friends, feel free to start screaming from the rooftops.)

How does this affect me? Well, along with these gender roles comes the clear definition of friendships and dating. While not unheard of, it is still very rare that women and men are just “friends” with each other unless the group of friends are a bunch of couples. Even then, the Japanese marriage often consists of a clear set of friends for each partner and it is not often that those groups socialize together. The husband has his friends, the wife has her friends, and they often have separate lives outside of the home. Women don’t attend the men’s work parties, friendly outings, or ritual get-togethers and the same goes for the frequent female gatherings.

So imagine me, a foreigner just looking for friends of any type, who finds a female friend who loves to cook. As mentioned above, my first reaction is to ask her to teach me the art of Japanese cooking. After all, I live here and shop here so my options for foreign cuisine are limited and expensive. After suggesting that we get together and cook sometime, I find that her face changes to a curious grin and shows signs of intrigue. My red light immediately goes off flashing violently in my mind as I can tell I may have just got more than I bargained for. It is later that I discover that friendships between a man and woman aren’t common in Japan, so an invitation to get together outside of work is often misunderstood as a reason to be with the other person “alone”.

Imagine my surprise to learn that I may have just given the idea to this woman that I was interested in her. As one can probably imagine, I was walking on eggshells for the next few weeks while I was around her. I had successfully showed interest in dating someone without even trying. A useful, albeit passive, technique for many had created some drama for me in the workplace.

Luckily, not much time had passed until I managed to break the cultural divide and become closer friends with her. It was then that I told her about the difference in cultures for gender roles, and we had a good laugh about the whole ordeal.

So perhaps you should learn from my mistake… tread lightly when it comes to opposite gender relationships in Japan. Even if you’re interested in the other person, dating is not taken lightly here. You may unexpectedly find yourself at a harmless dinner only to discover that you’re actually on the pathway to marriage.