DOES THIS COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS?

I struggled with whether or not to write about today’s subject, but after contemplating on the appropriateness of discussing such a personal matter, I came to the conclusion that it was a part of Japanese culture that was new to me when I moved to Japan. Therefore, I’ve decided to march on with the theme, despite the somewhat “impolite” conversation topic.

The above photograph is of a Japanese toilet that I took at one of my schools. Have you ever encountered such a thing? Well, I hadn’t before moving to Asia, so you can imagine my surprise when I walked into a bathroom to find this lovely contraption waiting for me.

I had heard rumors of the Japanese toilet, but I was secretly hoping to find a Western toilet waiting for me at school. WRONG! After my initial shock subsided, I started to contemplate on how I was supposed to “approach” the dilemma.

After a few minutes, I finally figured it out! I won’t go into the details, as I feel I may have crossed the line already by even posting this topic, but here are a few helpful tips if you find yourself in Asia staring at one of these babies…

1 – Start with one foot on each side of the toilet

2 – Face the plumbing (this can also be used for support if you must)

3 – Make sure all cell phones, wallets, and keys are safely stored

4 – Then do what comes naturally

HINT: Many Japanese people find it polite to hold down the flush lever while they go about their business. It’s considered a courtesy.

CAUTION: You may want to work out the calves a bit before attempting this procedure. I never thought the call of nature could be such a workout!

If you ever go into a stall after an Asian tourist in the United States, this could explain why you may find footprints on the toilet seat. A large number of Asians actually think that our Western toilet is unsanitary, and I can see their point. That hasn’t changed the fact that many Japanese establishments are moving to the Western-style toilet. Japan’s Western toilet is much more fancy than ours, though. It involves a lot of buttons, a lot of nozzles, sound makers, a seat warmer for the winter, and disinfectant spray. Sometimes those are impossible to figure out too!

がんばって！